KATHY GRIFFIN
darby o'gill did the talkin'
debbie did the drawin'

THINK REALITY-BASED PROGRAMMING, CELEBRITY GOSSIP AND POP MUSIC AREN'T INTERESTING? THINK AGAIN. DARBY O'GILL MANAGED TO GET COMEDIENNE KATHY GRIFFIN'S PERSPECTIVE.

darby: Whatís next for Kathy Griffin?

Kathy: Well, I have my run on Celebrity Millionaire. Itís going to run for a month, because itís on every Monday. That was a dream for me. I love that show. I mean, I love Regis. And it was very, very exciting, but yet I was traumatized. Iím also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. Itís going to be a spoof of Biography.

d: Whatís your favorite reality program?

K: You know, the best one really is Survivor. I mean, itís just edited so well and you really get invested in those people. I also love Mole, the unsung hero of reality programming. Itís really well done. The games are hard, and they get really good people. I really love them all. Iím looking forward to Temptation Island 2. Big Brother 2 was shockingly good, considering how much the first one sucked. They totally learned their lesson the first time around.

d: Have you seen Shipmates?

K: I havenít seen that yet, but I donít like the premise. Shipmates has different people each night. I want to get involved with these people. I like the serial aspect.

d: What would be your dream reality show if you could put one together?

K: I think a Celebrity Survivor would be great. How do you survive the four seasons without calling your manager for two days? It would be short and sweet. Iíd try and survive Julia Roberts, really, in any setting. It doesnít even need to be in Africa or the Outback. I like the shows that donít necessarily have a game aspect to them. Thatís what I loved about Temptation Island. I donít even know why they did it. Whatís wrong with those people? I couldnít imagine having all the downsides of fame without having any of the money. You have all these people recognizing you, thinking they know you. Like, I donít know how they get those kids to do The Real World? I canít imagine anything less advantageous to a person than to be ridiculed by the world forever and ever. And then you donít even get any money. It hasnít lead to anything for any of them. And donít talk to me about Eric Nies being on The Grind, because that doesnít count.

d: Do you feel like The Real World just gets cheaper and cheaper each year?

K: Oh, yeah! The thing that bums me out about The Real World is I donít want to believe that teenagers are that stupid. They never, ever read the paper. They really do just have conversations, like, ďYou know what people donít know about me? They donít know that Iím the type of person who is honest about me. And if I canít be me, I donít know how to be.Ē Theyíre such dipshits and it makes me think, ďGod, were we that stupid?Ē Something that really bothers me is that itís really just an image of morons. It would be fun to see some smart people lose their minds; to be stuck in a house with all idiots.

d: What was one of the worst dates youíve been on?

K: Oh, man. There have been so many. I remember one where I got out of the car and walked home because he was checking out other girls all night. The walk home was four hours. I donít know if it was because I was young and stupid, but I didnít even get a taxi. I just remember walking home for hours. I never regretted it, because the guy was a jerk. I think itís good if you actually stay with the person for the length of the date. As long as no one leaves in a huff. No huff leaving.

d: What is the hottest gossip youíve heard lately?

K: Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldnít care less if itís true. I like the whole J-Lo/anthrax rumor. I think thatís great. I say we put her right in the mix of things.

d: Well, she did get married to help us move on.

K: Yeah. Her marriage is a salute to America. As far as other rumors go, I also love all the ďwhoís sleeping with whoĒ stuff. I love dirt of all kinds. All dirt is clean. Thereís no such thing as filthy dirt.

d: Do dogís have lips?

K: Well, Iím obsessed with my dogs. We have two dogs and I know they smile when theyíre good boys! But are they lips? I donít know if dogís do, but I do know Kenneth Branagh doesnít. I donít know if youíve ever noticed that. He doesnít really have lips. He just kind of has a hole in his head that is his mouth.

d: Whatís your favorite movie of all time?

K: The Dead Zone by David Cronenberg. I love that movie. I think itís perfect. I love the character Christopher Walken plays: John Smith. I love that movie.

d: What CD is in your car right now?

K: I have Madonnaís Music. I also have Robbie Williamsí new one and Destinyís Childís Survivor. Iím a big pop fan. I also just bought an old Genesis album. Iíll totally see something I had as an LP, and Iíll buy it. Iíll be like, ďWhat? Cat Stevensí Tea for the Tillerman? Iíve got to have it!Ē So I have a weird connection to the latest stuff and stuff from the seventies. I really like Tenacious D. They totally rock! Jack Black has one of the most beautiful voices, and theyíre so amazing live.