TODAY'S LESSON: HOW TO DIE
Many peoples thinks you have ta have a book-learnin' degree or be confined to a wheelchair to be a genius,.. but all ya really need is a video card ta be smart like me!
1. During a war, have a touching moment with a fellow soldier. Show him a picture, and talk about how you can't wait to return home to see your new baby that was born right after you left home.
2. Be the only first-time on-screen character in a group scouting a new planet, and wear a different color shirt than the big name actors.
3. When a steaming, muscled man with a thick accent asks you for your clothing, tell him to fuck off.
4. Be a Middle Eastern villain-- or Russian, if the movie was made in the Eighties.
5. At night, be sure to call out and look for your missing pet.
6. When escaping from jail or evil lair, tell the other people to go ahead and that you'll cover them.
7. Be an older cop who's going to retire in a couple days, and your last assignment is to train a rookie.
8. Go investigate a creepy graveyard after hearing growling noises.
9. Go to the basement to fix a blown-out fuse in the middle of a storm wearing the skimpiest panties ever made. (NOTE: THIS IS ONLY FOR WOMEN.)
10. Prepare a snack in the middle of the night using only the refrigerator light to see by.
11. Your best friend has a scrapbook full of clippings detailing their relative's mass murder spree, and subsequent incarceration in a local minimum-security loony bin.
12. Be an African-American in any movie not directed by Spike (TM) Lee.
13. Be the first peon to admit to your evil and crazed leader that you failed to get the information or kidnap the hero's kid.
14. Get too close to any sharp object that the camera has focused on for an extended period of time-- it will be used by the hero to kill you when he enters the room.
15. Be the brutal jail guard the night of the big escape. |
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THIS TO A FRIEND OR ENEMY