Hey there, chicken readers. My name is Jack. I'm a longtime reader, first-time writer. I've been working in the same factory here in Indiana for the past 17 years or so. I just wanted to write in and let ya'll know somethin' I just discovered.

I've been workin' with this black fellow a-name of Russell for about three years now. We always got along just fine. I even thought we was buddies, seein' as how he called me "Cracker Jack", like it was a cool nickname. I always thought it was 'cause of that caramel corn snack I like so much. But I just found out that "cracker" is a mean slang term for white folks.

So I gets to thinkin',.. what else has this feller been saying about me and my friends behind our backs? I found out all kinds a stuff on that there Internet. Like when Russell says stuff like "fo shizzle my nizzle." I just done found out that really means "Faye sucks my nipples." Faye is my goddamn wife's name! Not only that, but when I see him talking to his friends-- you know, other colored folk-- they always say "asa llama lake 'em", which directly translates to "I sure hope that white devil chokes to death on his Pop-Tarts so that I may impregnate his hot wife." Ain't that a bitch?

So now that all-a-you-all know what's going on, we won't be tricked again! Oh shit,.. gotta go! NASCAR is on!

Honky Power,

- Jack Saltine

honkypower@tlchicken.com