ZACH GALIFIANAKIS
Interview by Night Watchman
Illustration by Erik Rose

CLICK HERE TO ORDER YOUR COPY OF PRINT ISSUE #7, WHICH FEATURES THIS INTERVIEW WITH ZACH GALIFIANAKIS IN ITS ENTIRETY!

ZACH GALIFIANAKIS IS HANDS-DOWN ONE OF THE FUNNIEST PEOPLE IN EXISTENCE. COMEDY CENTRAL'S NEW SHOW THE COMEDIANS OF COMEDY FEATURES ZACH, BRIAN POSEHN, PATTON OSWALT, AND MARIA BAMFORD, AND IT DOCUMENTS THEIR SOLD-OUT SUMMER TOUR. WITH A NEW DVD OUT, ANOTHER COMEDY CENTRAL SERIES IN THE WORKS, AND HIS LATE-NIGHT APPEARANCES BECOMING THE STUFF OF LEGEND, NIGHT WATCHMAN GOT TO FIND OUT ABOUT THE PIANO, ZACH'S FIRST JOKE, AND WHY HE REFUSES TO BE A NERD.
 
Night Watchman: I was talking to Brian Posehn the other day about The Comedians Of Comedy show on Comedy Central, and he said the worst part about having all those cameras around was that it was much harder to kill hookers and get away with it. Did you have that same problem?
 
Zach Galifianakis: Um, I never had to... the hookers that I deal with, I donít have sex with them. I ask them to cuddle with me. So I didnít really need to cover my tracks that much-- as much as Brian did, at least. I watched him murder a couple and it was disturbing. He stabbed two of them with his glasses, and one of them with his giant shark nose.
 
Both: (laugh)
 
NW: So what was it like having cameras in your face during this tour? Was it hard to deal with?
 
ZG: Well, I was pretty used to it since I was a contestant on The Biggest Loser. But no, you just kind of get used to it. They were very sensitive. If we wanted the cameras off, theyíd just turn them off. You just kind of get used to it. I never thought Iíd like that kind of situation, but if wasnít bad.
 
NW: Did you feel like you had to be "on" the whole time?
 
ZG: I think sometimes when comics are together thereís this energy thatís formed, and with that group weíre either always on or a lot of itís just boring. A lot of times I just had to stare at those two nerds-- Brian and Patton-- reading comic books. Thereís a lot of stuff thatís cut out, but the energy we get from each other snowballs into something.
 
NW: Did they try to sway you to the dark side and get you to read comics with them?
 
ZG: No. I donít want to be nerded by those two guys. If I saw them in a made-up fiction movie Iíd be like, "Alright, thatís a little too much over the top."
 
NW: (laughs)
 
ZG: They are fucking nerds!
 
NW: (laughs)
 
ZG: I mean, almost pocket-protector nerds.
 
NW: I remember the first time I saw you on Conan. It was so refreshing, but it unfortunately turned me into the guy who tries to do your entire act for all his friends the next day. But your approach and you sitting at the piano was just so different. How did you evolve to that point?
 
ZG: Well, I do it a lot without a piano, and I started without a piano. And then I had a gig somewhere and there was a piano, so I thought, "You know, I can kind of play. Maybe it would be interesting to put a soundtrack under these absurdities." Itís such a juxtaposition that it kinda works. At first people were like, "What is going on? I donít understand." So it took a while for me to get it the way I wanted it. But I just sat down at a piano one night because the club had one, and thatís how it happened.